“Lord Reassess Me For Her, For Me, For Us” Redeemed Couples for January

“Lord Reassess Me For Her, For Me, For Us”

Rebuilding Your Marriage Like a Fixer-Upper Home

Duration: 3 Hours

Objective:

To help couples reassess and rebuild their marriage by addressing its foundational issues, restoring its beauty, and fortifying it against future challenges. Using biblical principles,

this session shows us how to rebuild a marriage like a fixer-upper home, reflecting Christ’s sacrificial love as the ultimate blueprint.

who said: "Happy wife, happy life" it’s a popular saying attributed to no specific individual.

but has been widely used in popular culture, media, and everyday conversations.

Its origins are not clearly documented, but it has been commonly associated with the idea that harmony in marriage often stems from prioritizing the wife's happiness.

Is It the Making and Continuation of a Sustainable Marriage?

While the sentiment behind the saying highlights the importance of considering your partner’s happiness in a marriage, it oversimplifies the complexities of a healthy, sustainable relationship. A sustainable marriage is built on more than just making one partner happy; it requires mutual respect, communication, understanding, and shared responsibility for each other’s well-being.

Key Elements of a Sustainable Marriage:

Mutual Happiness: Both partners' happiness is essential for a thriving marriage. Focusing on only one partner’s satisfaction can lead to resentment or imbalance over time.

Communication: Open and honest conversations about needs, feelings, and expectations foster understanding and connection.

Shared Responsibility: Both partners should contribute equally to maintaining emotional, physical, and spiritual harmony in the relationship.

Adaptability: Life changes, and a sustainable marriage requires both partners to grow and adapt together.

Conflict Resolution: Addressing issues respectfully and finding resolutions together strengthen the bond.

Spiritual Foundation (if applicable): For many couples, shared faith or values provide a strong framework for navigating challenges.

While "Happy wife, happy life" may serve as a lighthearted reminder to prioritize your spouse, a sustainable marriage goes far beyond this by emphasizing partnership, shared goals, and mutual fulfillment. A balanced and reciprocal approach to happiness is the true key to long-term marital success.

That’s part of God’s blueprint for Marriage.

And happiness isn’t the goal for the marriage, Faithful service and surrender is.

I. Icebreaker: "What Kind of House Are You?"

Activity:

Each spouse chooses a type of house that describes their marriage right now (e.g., a mansion, a log cabin, a fixer-upper).Share your choice with us and your spouse and explain why you picked it.

Facilitator’s Prompt:

Discuss what “fixer-upper” parts of your marriage might need attention.

What strengths (like solid beams or beautiful views) do you see in your marriage?

II. Opening Prayer

Heavenly Father, We come before You as the ultimate builder, the One who holds the blueprint of our lives and our marriage in Your hands.

We invite You into this sacred space today, asking for Your guidance as we rebuild and reassess our hearts for one another.

Lord, we acknowledge that this marriage is not our own, but Your masterpiece under construction—a reflection of Your love, grace, and covenant with us.

Help us, Father, to see each other through Your eyes and to embrace the process of transformation with humility and patience.

Give us the strength to surrender our own plans and desires, and to commit fully to Your design for our union. Teach us to prioritize each other's needs, to listen with open hearts, and to serve with Christ-like love.

Lord, we ask for Your wisdom and clarity as we seek to restore what is broken and fortify what is strong.

May this time together draw us closer to You and to one another. We trust that, with You as the foundation, our marriage will stand firm, no matter the storms we face.

In Jesus' precious name, we pray, Amen.

III. The Blueprint: Understanding God’s Design for Marriage

Key Scripture: Psalm 127:1 – "Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain."

Teaching Points & Answers:

What is God’s design for marriage?

Marriage is a covenant, not a contract. It’s built on love, sacrifice, and unity, reflecting Christ’s relationship with the church (Ephesians 5:25-33).

What happens when God’s blueprint is ignored?

Marriages may crumble under selfishness, neglect, and worldly influences. (Answer: God’s Word provides the foundation for a marriage that endures.)

What is the purpose of reassessment?

Reassessment ensures that the “house” (marriage) remains aligned with God’s blueprint and adapts to changes in life.

IV. Clearing the Debris: Removing What Doesn’t Belong

Key Scripture: Hebrews 12:1 – "Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles."

Teaching Points & Answers:

What debris hinders marriages?

Resentment, pride, unforgiveness, and neglect.

How do we remove this debris?

Confess and release past hurts (James 5:16).

Practice humility by putting your spouse’s needs above your own (Philippians 2:3-4).Pray together to invite God’s healing power.

Activity:

Each spouse writes down one “piece of debris” (e.g., a bad habit or unresolved issue) and shares how they plan to address it.

V. Repairing the Foundation: Restoring Trust and Communication (30 Minutes)

Key Scripture: Proverbs 24:3 – "By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established."

Teaching Points & Answers:

Why is the foundation critical?

Without trust and communication, everything built on top will crumble.

How do we restore the foundation?

Speak truth in love (Ephesians 4:15).Listen actively and empathetically

(James 1:19).Be consistent in keeping your word and showing reliability.

Activity:

Practice a “foundation talk” where each spouse expresses one area they want to improve in trust or communication and one way their spouse can help.

VI. Building the Walls: Setting Boundaries and Providing Security

Key Scripture: Nehemiah 4:6 – "So we rebuilt the wall till all of it reached half its height, for the people worked with all their heart."

Teaching Points & Answers:

What are the walls of marriage?

Boundaries that protect the relationship from outside threats (e.g., inappropriate relationships, financial mismanagement).

How do you build strong walls?

Be transparent about finances, friendships, and feelings.Guard your time together against distractions.

How do walls provide security?

They create a safe space for emotional vulnerability and growth.

Activity:

Create a “wall-building” list of boundaries and safeguards to protect your marriage.

VII. Restoring the Beauty: Forgiveness and Grace

Key Scripture: Isaiah 61:3 – "To bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes."

Teaching Points & Answers:

How does forgiveness restore beauty?

Forgiveness clears the ugliness of bitterness and resentment, allowing love to shine. (Colossians 3:13)

Why is grace important in marriage?

Grace reflects Christ’s unconditional love and gives room for your spouse to grow.

Activity:

Share one way your spouse has shown you grace in the past and commit to showing them grace in a specific area.

VIII. Decorating the Home: Acts of Love and Sacrifice (30 Minutes)

Key Scripture: John 13:34 – "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another."

Teaching Points & Answers:

How do you decorate a marriage?

By filling it with acts of love, sacrifice, and appreciation.

What does sacrifice look like for men?

Leading with love and selflessness (Ephesians 5:25).

What does sacrifice look like for women?

Respecting and supporting your husband (Ephesians 5:33).

Activity:

Plan a small, thoughtful act of love to surprise your spouse during the week.

IX. Pitfalls of Neglecting Reassessment (15 Minutes)

Key Scripture: Proverbs 24:30-31 – "I went past the field of a sluggard... thorns had come up everywhere, the ground was covered with weeds."

Teaching Points & Answers:

What happens when you neglect reassessment?

Marriages grow distant and vulnerable to external threats. (Answer: Without maintenance, small issues become big problems.)

Why is continual reassessment important?

To adapt to changes and remain aligned with God’s purpose.

The concept of a "Grace-Based Husband" and "Grace-Based Wife" is rooted in the idea that Christian marriage should reflect the grace of God shown through Jesus Christ. Grace in marriage means offering unconditional love, forgiveness, and kindness, modeling Christ’s sacrificial and redemptive love. Here's a biblical explanation for each:

Grace-Based Husband A grace-based husband leads with love, humility, and sacrificial service, reflecting Christ's love for the Church.

Loving Sacrificially Ephesians 5:25: "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." A grace-based husband prioritizes his wife’s needs above his own, serving her with selflessness and humility.

Just as Christ’s love for the Church was sacrificial, the husband’s love should be characterized by giving, not demanding.

Leading with Humility 1 Peter 3:7: "Husbands, in the same way, be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers."

Leadership is not about dominance but about being considerate and respectful. A grace-based husband uplifts his wife as an equal partner in God’s kingdom.

Forgiving and Encouraging Colossians 3:13: "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." Grace-based husbands forgive freely and encourage their wives in their faith journey, knowing that grace builds trust and intimacy.

Grace-Based Wife A grace-based wife offers love, respect, and a nurturing spirit, reflecting the Church’s love for Christ and her faith in God’s plan.

Respecting with Grace Ephesians 5:22-24: "Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church." Submission here is not about inferiority but mutual respect and trust. A grace-based wife respects her husband’s role as leader, trusting God’s order for marriage while maintaining her own voice and dignity.

Encouraging and Uplifting Proverbs 31:26: "She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue." A grace-based wife speaks words of life, encouragement, and wisdom into her husband’s life, helping him become all God has called him to be.

Loving Unconditionally 1 Peter 4:8: "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." Grace-based wives extend love even when it is undeserved, reflecting the unconditional love of Christ.

Mutual Grace in Marriage Submitting to One Another Ephesians 5:21: "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." Both the husband and wife should submit to each other in love and humility, putting the other’s needs first.

Becoming One in Grace Genesis 2:24: "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh." Grace creates unity and harmony, allowing both partners to live as one, serving God together.

Extending Forgiveness and Grace Daily Matthew 18:22: "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." Marriage thrives when both partners freely forgive, just as God forgives us.

Practical Application

Pray Together: Prayer invites God’s grace into the marriage, aligning both partners with His will.

Speak Life: Avoid harsh words; instead, speak encouragement and affirmation.

Offer Forgiveness: Remember you’re both recipients of God’s grace and extend the same to each other.

Serve Each Other: Look for ways to serve your spouse, modeling Christ’s servant heart.A grace-based marriage is a testimony of God’s love to the world, showing that His grace can unite two imperfect people to glorify Him.

X. Closing Prayer and Commitment

Gracious and loving Father, We thank You for being the ultimate builder of our marriage, the One who laid its foundation and continues to shape it with Your wisdom and love.

We are grateful for Your presence in this journey and for the truth You have revealed to us today.

Lord, we commit to ongoing reassessment of our hearts, our priorities, and our love for one another.

Help us to be intentional in rebuilding the areas that need strengthening, and to nurture the parts of our relationship that reflect Your glory.

May we always seek Your guidance as we work to align our marriage with Your perfect will.

Father, we ask for Your strength to endure the challenges, Your wisdom to navigate the complexities of life together, and Your grace to love each other sacrificially, just as Christ loves us.

Let our marriage be a living testimony of Your faithfulness, a beacon of hope to others, and a place where Your love is always present.

We leave this place renewed and encouraged, trusting You to continue the work You have started in us. In Jesus’ name, we pray, Amen.

Takeaway Message:

Rebuilding your marriage is a continuous process, just like restoring a fixer-upper home. With God’s blueprint, intentional effort, and Christ’s sacrificial love as your foundation, you can create a marriage that is beautiful, secure, and enduring.